there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
