If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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