How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
