I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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