Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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