i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
