glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's never too late to be topless.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
