In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
