I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize