At least make sure they are 18
Why
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
