i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
