I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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