this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So vagazzling was a success
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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