Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
