just tell him i said nine months
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
