CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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