halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
