I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
