Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just threw up on my dentist
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
