I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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