I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize