I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
