New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize