Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
two words: eviction party
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
