The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
