Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize