You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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