I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die, sorry about rent.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
