No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize