I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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