gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
