i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
try to milk me bitch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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