and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
