operation have a gay friend backfired
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
