My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize