yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
