I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
