What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
