I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
