just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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