and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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