Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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