honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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