Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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