It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't put those talents on a resume
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
