Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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