I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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