But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
