I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize