the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found puke in my bra..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Houston, we have a blender
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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