a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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