apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
