Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
