I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
