I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We had to coat check the pizza.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
