if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
