Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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