you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
