I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I deserve this hangover.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
