Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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