I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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