are you still at the devil's house?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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