just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He felt like a one man threesome
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
