I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
