She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize