dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
accomplished twins. life is a go
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
