Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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