She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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