dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
