Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
