No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
