Whoa Z and x make the same sound
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
