Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
