I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
