the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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