bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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