no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
