fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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