at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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