My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Found your dick twin last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
