This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
