So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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