I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
