HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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