i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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