Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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